Monday, 14 June 2010


This is the cause for the name of this blog. An excerpt from an e-mail about “JU-ON the grudge”. I should probably mention that yes, I do think swearing is both big and clever.... Well.... Not really, but normally when I write to my brother he has this stupid censor-bot deleting the contents of my e-mail and sending me a snotty reply. Because I didn't write to him at work this time I'm celebrating the lack of that stupid Robot by talking like an immature twat!

Welcome to the shallow things I care about in the middle of a recession and imminent “world-death”~

….in fact I did a whole day of Asian horror films yesterday, which ranks somewhere between my watching a four hour documentary about Auschwitz and deciding to play silent hill 1 - 4 back to back in terms of frankly stupid and irresponsible behaviour.... The winner of "Those crazy Asians! what the hell are they doing?" goes to the Japanese (who else) for their film "Ju-on - the grudge"

see the trailer for it here

This film..... ah..... this film... where to even begin... It's a very well made film, fantastic techniques used throughout it... There is however NO PLOT AT ALL! The film might as well be called "Ju-on - the grudge KILLED BY GHOSTS" because "KILLED BY GHOSTS" was the phrase I kept shouting out while watching this. The plot simply revolves around a bad murder having happened in a suburban house in Japan. The murder is bad.... and because it is bad the house gets cursed (Yeah I don't know why either).. So about 5 years after the murder we follow a girl who you'd think is the main character, into the house to check up on some crazy old lady who lives there for social services. While cleaning up the mess of the place she finds a cat and a boy duct-taped into a closet...... Hang on...... Does that mean that the old lady had trapped the 'evil' into a closet with duct-tape? what kind of fucking ghosts are these? So both the cat and the boy hang around being 'spooky' and eventually the girl does see something pretty nasty and runs away screaming. Then with no explanation at all time seems to change and we're still in the house but with a young married couple (whose mother is the crazy old lady). Now I don't know if this is the future or the past or what the fuck, but it seems impossible that a respectable young couple would keep the house in the kind of fucking state it's in at the beginning of this film... Anyway to cut this short.. The Wife gets KILLED BY GHOSTS, the husband finds out but before he can do anything about it he is KILLED BY GHOSTS, the social worker from the start goes home only to be KILLED BY GHOSTS. The sister of the wife earlier comes round to visit and gets KILLED BY GHOSTS. The detectives who find all these bodies (in hilarious “I died while terrified” poses) bring back the original detective that studied the original murder which cursed the place (again I was thinking main character). He has a vision freaks out.. goes to burn the house down.. has a weird vision of a group of schoolgirls messing around in the house.. one of the girls legs it out of the house the other two are KILLED BY GHOSTS, he then has a genuinely terrifying encounter with the ghosts... two detectives rush in to try and stop him burning the house down.. He gets up and legs it.. the two detectives are KILLED BY GHOSTS... This is where it gets excellent.. it jumps ten years into the future (without fucking telling us) and starts following the daughter of the crazy detective man (whose dead, it presumed 'by madness' but as we will see he was in fact KILLED BY GHOSTS). Turns out his daughter is one of the girls from his vision.... yes that's right he saw into the future FOR NO REASON.. sure enough her friends are KILLED BY GHOSTS and then she too is KILLED BY GHOSTS.. the ending kind of lost me because it cuts to someone we've never met before, doesn't introduce them... anyway her and her friend are both KILLED BY GHOSTS...... and that's it!!!!!!!!


Every character is given both the kind introduction and exposition that fits in better with a HALO game.... i.e nothing at-fucking-all... Add to this the film has been remade about a thousand times both in Japan and (I'm guessing badly) in America... heh.. starring BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (why Sarah why?). So I have no idea whether it's been deliberately cut down to have more KILLED BY GHOSTS or what the fuck! It's clear that the ghosts are ultimately the main characters in this film, I mean they're so fucking emo about the way their shitty life ended that they will now totally kill anyone who even seems to look at their god-damned house! Going so far as to actually stalk down and kill EVERYONE sometimes using quite elaborate methods.... Which makes me wonder... where are the fucking estate agents in all of this? I mean the house changes hands a number of times! I can only assume that the real body count lays with the estate agents who put up with madness and ghosts to flog the place AS FAST AS POSSIBLE, going out on the town to celebrate before being KILLED BY GHOSTS! Somewhere in Japan there's a town where the only job going for the unskilled is as estate agents and the gutters are filled with shattered blackberrys and ambitions.

I wouldn't bother with it really.... unless you wanted to have a really grim drinking game or confuse people.

So anyway, I think I've probably bored you enough for one e-mail.... (You wanted correspondence here you fucking are) so I'll sign off.

Thus Endith my first ever blog post. The later reviews contain roughly 30% better grammar 20% more humour and about 50% extra length..... Unless I've mistaken them for the obscene tattoo on my penis

1 comment:


    Yeah. I got talked into going to see The Grudge by one of my flatmates. Wow, that was bad.

    To be honest, I remember very little of it, other than noting how the film went:
    * Idiot goes to house
    * Idiot jumps
    * Idiot dies
    * Next idiot goes into house.

    So pretty much the same, except sometimes it wasn't in the house! And Bill Pullman. And Buffy.
    I know Hollywood thinks that jump-scares are the same as horror, so I thought the original would be different. Apparently not.

    I don't know if it was the same for you, but I yawned during the American version. I fucking yawned. You should never do that in a horror movie, even a twatty jump-scare one.